“Gentle words are a tree of life…” (Proverbs 15.4 NLT).
As an introverted, shy person who struggled with insecurity, I’ve had to learn to shape my marriage with words. I married my high school sweetheart, and we’ve been married for almost 20 years. Words, I have found, are one of the easiest and most profound ways to cultivate an awesome marriage.
Words truly have power of life and death, and many people do not know how to use their tongue to create their dream marriage. But once you realize that words literally can dictate your marital bliss, you will begin to use words to build an awesome marriage.
“The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences” (Proverbs 18.21 NLT).
First, stop bad-talking yourself.
If you are unable to use words to build yourself up, it will be very difficult to build up others or your marriage. The Bible says to love others as you love yourself (Mark 12.31). So guess what? If you don’t love yourself in a healthy way, you will not love others in a healthy way. So stop speaking negatively about yourself. Read what the Bible has to say about you.
- You have been wonderfully made (Psalm 139.14).
- God loved you so much that He died for you (Romans 5.8).
- You are royalty (1 Peter 2.9).
- You have purpose (Ephesian 1.11).
There is nothing wrong with correcting yourself and learning from your mistakes, but under no circumstances should you bad-talk your body, your intelligence, your feelings and your purpose. When you bad-talk the creation, you bad talk the Creator. God is perfect and holy, and Jesus has redeemed us of all through His Work on the Cross. You are beautiful and valuable because God made you, and He doesn’t make mistakes!
- For more information about what Jesus has done for you, buy my book, Our 6 His 7: Transformed by Sabbath Rest!
Second, realize your spouse is not perfect.
If you start focusing on all the negative aspects of your spouse, you will verbalize them more. You will literally become obsessed with tiny details that don’t matter in the long run. Instead, look at all the amazing things your spouse does for you and your family. We tend to place less value on the things we have taken for granted, so open your eyes to all the good your spouse does and verbalize them. Words have power! Even if you only see a little good at first, start speaking them out loud. The enemy hates it when we see the good in people. Satan would much rather we focus on the negative because that’s what he does. Use your words to fight back!God loves your marriage, so use your words to protect it! Click To Tweet
- Make a list of things your spouse does that are awesome and speak them out loud for all to hear.
- Tell God how thankful you are for your spouse and marriage.
- Fill your home with the aroma of sweet words to push out all the bad-talking.
- Pray before speaking correction to ensure the Holy Spirit is guiding your speech.
“Kind words are like honey— sweet to the soul and healthy for the body” (Proverbs 16.24 NLT).
Third, surround yourself with Godly influences.
Even if you didn’t grow up in a healthy home with a healthy example of marriage, you can still learn! God is awesome at creating something new (Isaiah 43.19) and transforming what was done for harm into your good: “As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good…” (Genesis 50.20 ESV). God has His best design for your life, but you won’t get there without work. Roll up your sleeves and learn and grow! Life is too short to accept mediocre. It may feel uncomfortable at first, but be the loving husband or wife God created you to be. Pour energy and effort into your marriage and make it your top priority. Your marriage is worth fighting for! Surround yourself by people who have healthy, happy marriages, so you can have a blueprint for success.
- Find a couple who has the marriage you want and ask to be mentored by them.
- Consume Christian resources (read and listen to positive words) on how to have a great marriage.
- If your marriage has serious strongholds, go to a Christian counselor for guidance.
- Pray! Prayer reaches into the supernatural and influences the natural. Pray for your spouse and marriage daily!
“Wise words are like deep waters; wisdom flows from the wise like a bubbling brook” (Proverbs 18.4 NLT).