You can see the Writer into the Fighter Episode here!
When our pastor, Bil Cornelius, said that his long time friend, a producer for CMT MADE, would be doing casting calls at our church for a new series, CMT MADE (a show helping adults accomplish crazy dreams), I felt a nudge in my spirit. However, I was so disillusioned at this point that I didn’t trust anything I was feeling. I didn’t know if this nudge was actually from the Spirit or a desperate attempt to distract myself from the massive failure I recently had.
Several moths ago, God called me to edit my book and submit it to a writing contest. The editing process was a complete miracle — a story I’m unable to discuss here. I’ve written this book over five years ago and have given it over to God’s odd and forever-long process of publication. God had led me into a few key failures throughout the years that shaped me and taught me to cling to Him. But there was something different with this particular contest. I felt God’s presence all around me as I edited.
Also, I felt that it “was time.” I knew that I was going to win. God had given me signs and complete peace that I was finally ready. Three months after I submitted my novel, I got the rejection letter. Devastated, I questioned myself intensely for 24 hours. Was I a complete fool? Was I actually hearing from God? Was all my sacrifice these past five years wasted? Little did I know, however, that I was hoping to win the wrong contest. Yes, I was suppose to enter my book, but there was another contest that God had already secured my victory.
I felt the Spirit ask me to fast for 10 days. I had fasted plenty of times before, but I told God truthfully that I couldn’t muster the strength to do another fast. I was swimming in confusion, and I didn’t have the energy to sacrifice so severely. God said I could consume liquids during this fast (juice, chai teas, milk, etc.), so I submitted to His will. The day after my food fast finished, the producer from CMT MADE came to my church. I knew God wanted me to go to the casting call, but I didn’t want to. The Spirit pressed me hard to go, so I told God that He would have to give me a small, quick line. God lovingly looked past my weakness and gave me what I asked for.
I humbled myself and stood in line while my husband stayed in the car with our kids before church service started. The purpose of CMT MADE is to “make” someone into something else. I was already a writer, so I needed to put down a different “dream” that I had. I’ve always enjoyed exercise, and I thought it would be fun to be a body builder. I stood in line for five minutes, finished my one minute talk to the camera and walked back to the car, relieved that it was all over. By this time I didn’t know if I was hearing from God or from my confused and disillusioned mind, so I didn’t tell anyone besides my family that I auditioned. Now that I was obedient and my spirit at peace, I could try to figure out what was going on in my spiritual life.
A couple of weeks later, the producer called me for a second audition with my family. My husband and I packed up the kids and went back to church. We sat down in front of the camera and talked about our family and life. We talked about my oldest son getting his orange belt in Taekwondo, and my husband mentioned that I had done kick-boxing in college. All of a sudden, my “dream” went from body building to being a Mix Martial Arts (MMA) fighter — for which I’m truly grateful. The interview finished, and we went home. I felt at ease but wondered what God was doing.
A few weeks after that I got a call that they would be doing one of the eight CMT MADE shows about me becoming a MMA fighter. WHAT? I was totally shocked. I asked God what He was doing, and He said, “I told you that you would win the contest. You just concentrated on the wrong one.” From that moment on, I found myself in a crazy place called “Faith-land.” I had no idea what God was doing and everything seemed strange and unpredictable, but I trusted God and followed Him into the cage as a Mix Martial Arts Fighter.
These last two months have been the hardest of my life, but I have grown and strengthened my faith in God. I proved to myself that I will stand firm for Christ, even when my stance is contradictory to the world’s view. My confidence in God has intensified and solidified, and my mouth is eager to tell anyone about our Creator, Redeemer and Counselor. I trusted God with my life, and He showed His glory brightly through my obedience. God required me to jump way out of my comfort zone, and I did it clinging desperately onto Him.
If you want to see what God is up to in my life, my show airs on Thursday, September 29, 2011, at 9pm central time on CMT.* Come with me on my journey into God’s beautiful unknown! The rest of the CMT MADE Series are playing now on CMT.
Therefore thus says the LORD: “If you return, I will restore you,
and you shall stand before me.
If you utter what is precious, and not what is worthless,
you shall be as my mouth.
They shall turn to you,
but you shall not turn to them.
- Jeremiah 15.19 ESV
* Air date of show is tentative and may change.